dick from africa

• 2012-02-21

  

  Think I see a spark. Don’t you?

• 2012-02-20

  

  Just doing my job and this is the thanks I get.

• 2012-02-19

  

  Bathroom, Hampton Inn, Harrisonburg VA

• →

  

  I had to pee so we stopped in Waynesboro. This did not please Marta because it meant she had to pull into a parking space between 2 cars that were “zo” close. And then when we were done, she had to “backwards” out.

  Stressful times in the old Conestoga.

• →

  

  On my way to James Madison University with Marta and her daughter, Tess, in the middle of a snowstorm.

  My job is to carry suitcases, pump gas, and fix any flat tires. The only thing that Marta knows about cars is how to steer.

  Why the hell did I agree to this?

• 2012-02-17

  forty-six

  The biopsy came back today confirming that it was indeed metastatic melanoma #7 but Dr. Sequamous said it was in it’s early stages and he seemed confident that his magic ninja knife got it all.

  So this makes 3 from my right arm, 3 from my left, and a big juicy one from my neck. Oh, and I have names for them all:

  #1 - The Mark That Makes the Unknown Mother Cry (right arm)
  #2 - The Fish Found Beneath The Sand (right arm)
  #3 - The Howl Of A Tree Gnawed With The Teeth Of A Clown Doll (left arm)
  #4 - The Food That Burns The Dripping Sky (left arm)
  #5 - I Have Captured That Which Is Holy In A Stained Plastic Bag (neck)
  #6 - Make A Path Where There Is Smiling Passion (right arm)
  #7 - Mitt Newtny (left arm)

  When I catch people staring at the scars, or if they ask, I tell them they are lion bites and then, usually, fanciful stories ensue. The scars actually look like healed bullet wounds - I need to leverage that, though I’ve yet to figure out how.

• 2012-02-15

  

  It’s been almost fifty years since I was plucked from the natural world of my birth but, still, I’ll pop the stray moth or ant or roach into my mouth and don’t even realize I’m doing it until Marta screams at me that I’m a “grost animule”.

  Without her knowing, those protestations are making sure that I never fully lose that and I kind of love her for it.

• →

  Valentine’s Day

  Marta’s supposed boyfriend, Buddy, or as I call him, “Buddy”, the VCU creative writing teacher - who’s a d-i-c-k!!, called her at zero hour before their big Valentine’s date last night to tell her that he had a last minute mandatory faculty meeting and wouldn’t be able to make it. And oh, he was so sorry - that he’d been looking forward to this for months - that he’d make it up to her - kootchie kootchie - blah blah blah.

  Now, I know he’s got this katy perry grad assistant on the side that I’ve seen him with at the the Starbuck’s at Stuart and Robinson - but she doesn’t know - but I’m thinking that’s what he’s really got going on that’s mandatory.

  Anyway …

  After huffing and puffing and crying for about a half hour, Marta tells me me to “gets off my lazy ask” - that she wants to buy me dinner - like I don’t know what’s really going on.

  Can’t say the company was that great, but as far as African bushman standards go, the food was pretty damn good. I was even able to slip in a third martini while she was gazing blankly off into the distance.

  blah blah blah blah blah

  (thumbsup)

• 2012-02-14

  Arcadia

  @ Arcadia - Marta’s beau stood her up!!!! Feel bad for her but not too bad - get to be Arcadia stand -in. Win!

• 2012-02-13

  Before I got out of bed this morning I saw myself get up, walk across the room, and put my pants on and then I got up, walked across the room, and put my pants on.